The Jacuzzi Machine Incident

My landlord, Luda, showed up around 8pm with a bathtub Jacuzzi machine. My first reaction was more curious than confusion, which is weird because normally confusion comes first. The confusion this time came a little bit later and the more I think about it, the more I can see how the pieces all fit together in Luda’s grand scheme to import herself into America. My relationship with Luda is kind of like reading Lord of the Rings, each time I read it, the more I think Sam has a secret love crush on Frodo. Luda has a huge love crush on America which massively contributes to why I have a sweet apartment for a lot less than what its worth and maybe why she was standing in my apartment with a bathtub Jacuzzi machine. But like with most things that happen to me in Ukraine, I didn’t ask and decided to just see what would happen.
When I first moved in Luda didn’t say much about her self except that she lived in New York City for 3 years. She was ‘working and writing about American culture’. I discovered over the next few months that she was actually there illegally on a one year working visa and had skipped out on the part that required her to come back to Ukraine. Eventually, the U.S. Government broke up with Luda and the fact remains that even though the break up was not mutual (in fact the break up was brutal and Luda apparently put up one hell of a scene in the JFK airport) Luda still wants to go back. This plays into mine and Luda’s relationship on a regular basis and is usually the reasoning behind most of Luda actions.
One time, Luda offered to take me on an all expenses paid trip to Kiev to ‘see her countries capital.’ But part of the trip involved me going to the U.S. embassy to vouch on her behalf for a green card. All I had to do was tell the embassy that she only wanted to go to America visit my mother for a few weeks. “But Luda, you don’t even know my mothers name and not to mention that New York (where she planned to go) is a good 12 hour drive from South Carolina.” This didn’t really concern Luda and she said it was “just a little lie.” I opted to not go on the excursion to Kiev.
Another fact about Luda is that illegal immigration runs in her family. Her son and daughter in law live in Australia illegally. While they can’t really leave with out getting in trouble they do however send regular packages to Luda. A recent package included a bathtub Jacuzzi machine. So tonight Luda came by to collect rent with the bathtub Jacuzzi machine intentioned to distract me from her schemes. She’s a tricky one but I saw through it. The instructions were in English and Luda ‘needed my help to translate them.’ Luda speaks perfect English and can read effectively enough to regularly bring me (and discuss) articles printed off the internet about places to visit and see in America - so this was the first tip off. The second tip off was when half way through demonstrating how to use the machine and that she shouldn’t put the machine in the water, she very coyly said that I could hold on to the machine if I wanted. I wouldn’t have suspected anything but almost immediately after that sentence she asked me what countries she could fly to that go through the U.S. and if I knew anyone that worked at the airport. This developed into a 30 minute conversation about how you can’t just leave the airport with out going through customs and how just because I’m from America doesn’t mean I know people who work at the airport (or Brittany Spears). So that’s how I spent my Wednesday night and its pretty much how I spend the 1st of every month when I pay rent - playing one of the many games I play with Ukraine. It will only be a matter of time before Luda figures out that I cannot help her get an American visa and only a matter of time before I have to move out of my apartment. But at least I have access to luxuries such as a bathtub Jacuzzi machine and excursions to Kiev.